Have you ever missed something so much it hurts? Some days I wonder why I ever came back. Florence changed my life and I would not be the person I am today without that city. I wish I could go back even for just one day.. to be honest I would go back for just one hour if I could. Just to feel the culture and be around the people, to smell the food from the bar opening up downstairs in the morning, to taste the fresh food, to eat tortellini alle bolognese. I miss Italy and Firenze so much.
I feel bad talking about it sometimes, because I think my friends and family get upset. So I haven’t talked about it in a while, but some days I wake up and still think I’m there and then I remember I am not. Some days that makes me really sad. People don’t really understand unless they have lived through what I have lived through. They try to be understanding and polite but its just not the same. I figured I would write something on here because then at least I can get my feelings out because I doubt anyone reads this anymore since I’m not there anymore.
At work today, I called IES abroad. Its a study abroad place that we are raising money for. I had to build rapport and talk to people about there trip and ask them questions so they would want to donate and the whole time I was wishing someone would call me and ask me about my trip. I could talk about it for hours. Every time I walk down my hallway and see my postcards or my map, every time my old roomies post pictures about how much they want to go back, the more I miss it. I know when I graduate law school I will go back to Europe for 2 weeks but it will never compare to living there for 5 months. Nothing will ever compare to the experiences and lessons I have learned.
This semester has been kind of hard making friends because everyone I was close with before has graduated. I have done a pretty good job so far but still most nights I just work, hang out, do homework and then go to bed. Which is okay but I would rather be out there exploring the night. Sitting on the Ponte Vecchio listing to a local man play his guitar and wasting the night away. I even miss all the rain… and man did it seem like it never stopped raining. I hate that I have to drive everywhere and that no matter what I do nothing is new here.
America is so different that Europe and it has its perks but it also has its flaws. I am proud to be who I am and where I am from but man do I miss the simplicity of life. The value of friendship and family. I miss speaking Italian and learning about the culture and the language. I miss the way the workers downstairs became a part of my family and knew what I wanted before I even had to ask. I miss how easy it was to get lost in the history and the architecture and the pure beauty.
I would not have done a single thing differently if I had to do it all over again, maybe stay longer, but then… I really wouldn’t want to come back… life is so complicated and worrisome and I miss my stressfreeness (if that’s a word). Italy truly was the best thing I have ever done…
I feel much better… Thanks for listening whoever is out there…
Ciao e Buona Notte!
goodbye and goodnight. :]